Then there were two

Dear Son,

This letter comes a little late because I struggled with putting my thoughts into words. These are the last three months the two of us have where I am only your mother. From July, I will be a mom of two and life will change for both of us in a way I am sure none of us can quite imagine just yet.

I am pretty sure that when you grow up you will not have many memories of these past 20 months. When it was just the two of us. While I am overjoyed you will have the sibling I always hoped to give my child I would be lying if I said I not in some ways grieving. Grieving that I will no longer be able to give you all my attention and grieving for the fact that you may become closer to your dad (I know, it’s not a competition) while I care for your new brother or sister in those early months.

Even though you may not remember a time when it was just us, I will. Well, unless This mom brain fog is a long term thing. Considering most days I can’t remember what happened a week ago, I thought I’d take the time in this letter and share some memories of us two that I will always hold dear.

I always knew I wanted to buy a carrier but I didn’t know just how much I’d love wearing you until I bought my first Mei Dei. That moment when you just fell asleep on my chest in the hot sun as I went shopping after what felt like ages will forever be etched in my mind. From daily walks to a 17 hour flight together (our first and probably last one in first class), the two of us have had great adventures. My favorite memory is of you coming to my kitchen each and every day while it got renovated and me standing and breastfeeding you while I ferociously argued with the plumber who was just staring at us in wonder.

You fell off the bed for the first time when you were about seven months old. You had just learnt to flip from tummy to back and roll around the bed. I left you in the center of the bed for a minute to go clean your diaper only to hear a horrifying thwack and loud cries seconds later. I was alone in the home and scared witless as to what I should do next. You were fine of course, just shocked. I on the other hand was traumatized and unsure if I should just keep the incident on the down low or admit it to the family or take you to the hospital even though you gave me a big smile 3 mins later. Since then you have fallen down countless times already but I will always remember that one time as my first big mom fail.

While I hope to co-sleep with your new brother or sister, the truth is that there is no place for all four of us on the bed! So while I will love him or her equally I will always have lovely memories of you sleeping with me all these months. In the early days when you couldn’t turn I used to pick you up from one side to the other like a tiny volleyball when I needed to turn in my sleep. My favorite memory however will be this last month when you grew to become so jealous of your dad and me that you will since I have turned the other way and promptly wake up. Most mornings These days I wake up with half my body numb as I force myself to sleep in the position you want me to. But then I smell your little mop of hair tickling my nose and your tiny heart beating close to mine and I know that I am very very lucky to have you so close to me.

All of these may seem like random whacky memories to preserve. In addition to these I of course will always hold dear those moments when you first walked, first said mom and all your other milestones. But, these are special because I may never get to feel this way again. And for these memories of a lifetime I have you, my son to thank.

This post is part of the annual #BlogChatterA2Z Challenge .When my son was born I promised myself I’d write him love letters as often as I could as this challenge is part of that promise. T is for Then there were Two. Do follow P for Parenting for more articles in this series and to read my next post U is for Under the Umbrella of my Love.

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