I was not heartbroken

Reading the article “I Destroyed Her, And I Feel Horrible About It” by Tom Kuegler reminded of a boyfriend that broke up with me many years ago.

I remember how I cried and I cried when he told me he had to break up with me.
“I have to break up with you. I can’t see us both together in Croatia and I know if I don’t break up with you I won’t go back. I want to go back.”

After crying and crying some more, I clearly remember asking myself why I was crying so much.
I was not in love with him. I did not want to marry him. I didn’t want to live in Croatia anyway, so why was I crying so much?

I realised that I was crying because I felt rejected. Didn’t he want to be with me? How could he leave me?
I cried because I felt rejected. I felt like nobody wanted me. Nobody loved me.

As far as he was concerned, I was crying because I was devastated because he was breaking up with me … he thought I was heartbroken.

I guess he thought I was crushed and destroyed, but I wasn’t.

I cried because he didn’t want to take me back with him to Croatia (even though I didn’t want to go, anyway).
I cried because he didn’t love me enough to and stay with me in the UK.
I cried because I was sad; it’s not nice when someone breaks up with you.
I cried because my confidence had taken a knock.
I cried because my feelings were hurt.
I cried because my ego was bruised.
I cried because I felt rejected.

My heart was not broken, it was intact, but I cried buckets.

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